My day begins with sleep: Aug. 25, 2009

My cousin Eules is amazing. His words speak truth and greatly inspire. Surprise, surprise. Who would've ever thought. I spent my whole night as his audience and each set deserved a standing ovation. Now I see that we all have a story to tell, it intrigues me to listen and to be let into some one's mind. When we put our thoughts to paper we make beautiful words, find interesting truth, and often teach a lesson to someone in need. Our life experiences become someone Else's guidance.




7:28 am.. now i guess I'll go to bed.

Monday. August 24, 2009

I hope you have a wonderful first day of class today baby. Remember your amazing and if no one else does, I believe you'll be something great. Surprise them with your intelligence. Delight them with your wit. Refreshen them with your charm, and break their hearts to let them know your mine. love you hun.

xoxo

Baby watch what you say, for your words can sometimes come off as a somewhat slap to the face. If anything at all please break it to me gently for I am a bundle of emotions who take unkindly to pain and hurt. I've put my trust in you and my heart in your hands. I trust that you'll handle it with care. I trust that we'll make it through the hard times to come and live our lives as we often discuss. Obtaining success, having children, and proving that everlasting love is obtainable.

Darling we belong
Distance only makes us grow twice as strong
Over and over again I fall in love like the first time
Fly away with me, there's so much of love that we have yet to see
No one can stand between us, it's just you and me


in love.

Jameel my Love.

I miss you every night I fall asleep and find myself thinking of you each morning i wake. I'm patiently waiting; although it hasn't been long, just this first week has felt like an eternity.. Talk about withdrawals, baby I'm going through it believe me.


Dreading the months to come, Anticipating the days I'll have to wait, and Counting each and every second until you return.

READY TO GO ALLLLL OUT
&cut my hair for real! like not just simple borring shoulder length but "majooor"


ex. see 1st & last picture of collage :]

Deceiving

In your presence I felt loved, while in your arms I
felt safety, through your eyes I found truth within
myself. Never mistaken, you read me well. Feelings
once felt I feel no more. My silence brought distance
and my disconnect finally makes sense. You often accused
my pride but my heart was to blame, aware of the truth
it wouldn't allow me to fall that extra mile. My selfish
mind is what led me to believe it was you that I loved.
The rhythmic beat of my heart knew all along this was wrong...
I realize now I fell in love with LOVE itself, and i guess
you were justt the Delivery boy. Well, I thank you for your
services sir, and most importantly I thank you for this
beautiful package I so selfishly enjoyed unwrapping and
receiving. But please believe me, I had no intentions to
Deceive.

when is it okay to give your all to someone without fear of being let down will we ever know for sure?.. at times we think we find love only to later realize it wasn't love at all, or wait, was it? will we ever know for sure? if love is so special, so sacred, so cherished, than why have so many tend to have loved and lost. why do so many fall in &out of it as if it's nothing, just a faze we go through such as afros, bright colors, and disco lights in the 70's?

Relationships 101

Do you believe you love how your taught and pick up your knowledge from the relationships you've seen and grew up around?.. it's all beginig to make so much since to me. I've never once in my life witnessed a healthy relationship... nor have I ever been in one.

My mind drew a blank!

don't be alarmed tho, just know everythings greaaat.


=D

The LA air

I miss that. I want that. Noooo, I need that.

A.S.A.P

You build me only to later break me down. You feed me false hope only to late take it away with no regaurds to my feelings at all. Was I not enough? Did I say too much of the wrong things, or were you just plain sick of my shit? I know you've often been dissapointed in my actions, I never meant to hurt you but does that give you leeway to return the favor and hurt me just as bad as I hurt you?



You influenced me to do better, only to turn around and dissapoint me

such a beautiful man with so much to say

A man so beautiful, with such powerful words, such a soothing voice, and even more beautful music. He inspires me, arouses me, and keeps my interest. I'm not the type to worship false Idols nor fall in love through televison and movie screens but this man here is a product of the perfect man of my dreams. A man I wish my father could be, a man I only wish my husband to be, for us to later go on and teach our sons to be. A wise man, a caring man, a man with something to say, a man who not only holds purpose in life but make his purpose known to others, lives a pure life and leaves a mark on this earth just as beautiful as he...

All star gaaame!

So I actually sat down and enjoyed the NBA all star game earlier today. Which is something I'm never able to do. I always get bored and loose interest so easily, as I often do with so many other things. Now I won't claim to have a "short attention span" like most of America would, but I just prefer things to keep me on my toes rather than bore me to sleep.

But anyway...


I have like this new found respect for basketball players and the sport itself. I even made sure I'll be getting tickets to next years game. :) Basketball players just seem to be so dedicated and passionate about they're craft, which I don't see much of in other sports. I think it's absolutely amazing, not to mention sexy.

"watch over your heart for from it flow the springs of life."

-proverbs 4:23

Why must I be so shallow?
I have some so in love, willing to pend off every girl in sight just to have a chance to prove me their love and devotion, yet my inability to look past the outer exterior and the voices of others constantly in my ear separate me from true happiness.

CONFESSION:
I often wish my own insecurities would fade away, so
that I can finally allow myself the love that I deserve.

for the love of
Marc Jacobs !

"Spirituality vs. Religion"


Trust me, the thought process I endured while on this subject is one unlike any other, with the capabilities to move one, inspire one, or confuse one more than ever... I pronounce A constant Battle of my Faith.

Irresistible.

I find myself in his bed once againn
for the second, third, fourth time around...
It wasn't intentional, I can promise you that
But his persistence so intriguing, His voice so alluring
Irresistible, I couldn't possibly resist the temptation.

A hand to hold, a set of lips to kiss,
His body so warm on top of mine, Irresistible.
Words so promising and I was hooked, I admit.
Never been the type you could sell a dream to
but he sold me much more, more like fantasy so Irresistible.
more like sin so beautifully wrapped in a package labeled

"Irresistibly Irresistible"

how could I resist?

A Wise man once told me..

OM:

Sanskrit letters or symbol for the "sacred" Hindu sound om (ohm or aum)
called "the mother of all mantras." Apparently, the four parts symbolize
four stages of consciousness: Awake, sleeping, dreaming, and in a trance.



A few of my favorite quotes from two very wise men.

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
-Confucius

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
-Confucius

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
-Confucius

The object of the superior man is truth.
-Confucius

We should feel sorrow, but not sink under its oppression.
-Confucius

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
-Confucius

“He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.”
-Buddha!

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
-Buddha


Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.
-Buddha

An Open Book to my Past..

January 11; Patricia Campbell


Today is the day my Nana was born, some 60 odd years ago. She is no longer with us, she past away just about 6 years ago. My Nana was honestly the sweetest woman you could ever meet. She wanted nothing but everyone around her to feel safe, loved, appreciated, comfortable, and to hear the word of god. She was such a beautiful lady, she had a smooth soft brown skin complexion, a gorgeous smile that always brightened my day, she was a slightly heavier set woman as she got older, her hair was straight and longg down her back. Her nationality was Native American, Black, and Irish, as am I.
My Nana was more than just a grandmother to me, honestly she was my best friend. I could talk to her about absolutely anything and she'd always understand. I spent most of my time with her and had some of the best times I'll probably ever have. I was her little angel, she loved me unconditionally and it showed. She taught me everything I know, she taught me how to act like a young lady, how to respect others, and most importantly she taught me how to love. My Nana was so forgiving, you could do something so wrong yet she'd still look at you and smile and find a way to forgive you and make everything right againn.
I remember once when i was only about 8 or nine years old she called me into her room, had me sit on the bed and she sang me a song. At that age although I listened, I couldn't quite understand why she had done this. The song she sung was called "Darling Girl" by Yolanda Adams. As I look back on the lyrics I finally understand why she did this. It was just another way of her showing how much she loved me. Every time I hear the song now I can't help but cry. She had this way of making me feel so special, like I could do no wrong. I would hate to ever disappoint her.
After she died, my mom, my two brothers and I all moved to Gardena. I remember so many times locking myself in that bathroom, turning on all the water, lighting a candle and crying my eyes out while looking at her pictures. No one knows this but i sometimes still do. The slightest thought of her or mention of her name is enough to make me shed a tear. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still feel her arms around me hugging me, and I wish she'd never let go. Though lately her touch is beginning to fade further and further away, and it scares me more than anything. When you lose someone so close to you, you sometimes never get over it. Sure life goes on but that pain never goes away. I lost my Best friend, My hero, and I felt as though my own life had been taken away..


May She Foreever Rest in Peace.
Until we meet again, I love you always Nana.
Guide me, watch over me, and keep me safe.

Good intentions clouded by doubt.

I pray but nothing ever changes
I pray but my troubles still seem to remain
I hate to lose my faith but lord give me something
I hate to question your existence but I’m only human
And we all have our flaws; Doubt is mine.